we were climbing up to the top of the mountain in a covert motion, we didn't want to be heard by all of the things in the forest we didn't know of, and we especially didn't want to be heard by the beast and jack is certain there is a beast. I'm kind of scared I think I made a blunder coming along on this trip we might be killed.
Ralph and jack are being uncompromising towards each other they should split up the leadership so that both of them could be leader at once. they could both rule as one like a president and a vice president in the U.S instead of sniveling over being leader. It infuriates me that they can never get along. they have like an infinite amount of things to argue about .these tendrils really hurt, they're like big needles. I hope nothing bad happens when we get up there.
"look I'm the pig" said robert
as he said that jack yelled ' maurice you grab his leg I've got his arms"
they both pounced on robert simutaniously, and lifted him as soon as he was lifted of the floor everyone started to prod at his chest with there spears.
"I want to join in" I yelled, but as soon as I got there they had let him go. he ran of I bet he is thinking that wasn't that sage like of him to act like a pig on a pig run.
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3 comments:
"in a covert motion" Covert was used as a noun, meaninga ditch or a hole. simutaniously- simultaneously
A bunch of spelling mistakes, but the story has a good plot. But try adding some more dialogue.
Anthony, you really have been on myspace way too much. Remember to capitalize the beginning of you sentences and names. I really did enjoy reading this entry though. I could tell that you added a little bit of your own creative writing such as when you said, "they both pounced on robert simutaniously, and lifted him as soon as he was lifted of the floor everyone..." It was great!
great job I loved how you were using dialog but you have some spelling mistakes so fix those but over all great job!!!
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